WHY I HATE MARCH MADNESS

This post is unrelated to Baseball or Hockey, thereby putting it somewhat in opposition to the mission statement of this blog, but it needs saying.

After my umpteenth declaration of my disgust with the arrival of the 2010 NCAA Basketball Tournament, a friend of mine, presumably in jest, commented to me, via a social networking site, that I should write a blog article explaining why I hate it so much, so here it is, though a more apropos title may have been "Why I Hate College Basketball":

1) March hits, and all of a sudden the entire world is made of Cub fans: Cub-fan types are some of the most obnoxious people on earth. Before age 25, They tend to wear nothing but khaki cargo shorts, weather-permitting, polos or college t-shirts, and those semi-faded, floppily fitted , understated "Wrigley Field(or insert stadium name)" hats with the opening date below the name of the park, and two white bats, crossed. If the situation remotely permits, they will have a red plastic beer cup in hand. They behave as if they are audacious, dedicated sports fans, but any real sports-related argument with one of them quickly degenerates to "dude, chill", due to the lack of depth in their knowledge of sport.

2) The regular season in College Basketball is entirely meaningless: Unlike College Football, there is no regular season loss that will cripple you, faring well in your conference tournament will get you there, and hey, even if you don't do that, you still have 65 chances to be in the main tournament, anyhow. Unlike pro sports, who work with a longer playoff system, nothing you do in the regular season will gain you any sort of homefield advantage. The regular season is essentially a months-long, don't-suck-too-bad-fest, with a random hodge-podge of televised games, that gets thrown away entirely for 2-3 weeks of single elimination in March.

3) The 3-point line: There are constantly late-game exchanges of 3's, leading to huge runs and lead changes, but this is because hitting a 3, particularly against the poor quality of defense usually presented at the college level, is tantamount to hitting a long free throw, especially when basketball's equivalent of a kicker, the little college white guy that only hits 3's, and never misses, is dropped into the equation.

4) Experts?: As I said before, the regular season in College Basketball is forgettable, and only marginally covered, so how on earth are so many people expert "bracketologists"? I can't tell you how many people will break down to me who's stronger than who, who's got the quicker backcourt, who's a sleeper in waiting, that I haven't heard a mention of the sport from prior to March, unless it was in reference to how March would be good, or some passing acknowledgment of one of the 3-4 elite players in the country. It's like the guy that "only watches baseball when the playoffs start" who wants to break down every game for you, except that guy is everyone in your office/school.

5) Fans?: No one, except the occasional random who happened to attend Duke, UNC, Syracuse, Kansas or Kentucky, is a truly devoted fan of a College Basketball team. Go to an SEC or Big Ten town/state, and you will see that College Football is religion, go to the Northeast, and you will see that Baseball is a religion, or go to Canada, and select towns across America, and you will see that Hockey is a religion, but I can't think of anywhere outside of the research triangle that every other vehicle has an NCAA Basketball team's sticker on its bumper. How are people so into the games? Really, 8 college students in upstate NY care that much about Butler vs. UTEP? A group of managers in Georgia lives and dies with Sam Houston St., or Wofford? When people in an area really love their college hoops, it's generally indicative that there's a profound lack of anything going on in that area, and that speaks volumes.

6) The Tournament interferes with much more important things: Mid to late March. Usually, the first time someone says, "you fill out your bracket, bro?" there are 10-15 regular season NHL games remaining, meaning that the home stretch in a regular season that greatly affects the postseason is underway and reaching its peak. Simultaneously, Opening Day in baseball is only days away, and one can truly begin to see MLB teams take some semblance of form. The lack of Spring Training coverage in the media is directly proportionate to the abundance of bracketology. Heck, I'm more interested in the NBA stretch run than in March Madness; at least the NBA (for all of the hate it gets, based on culture, style of play, etc.) represents the highest level of basketball available. You know what that alleged poorer pace of play in the NBA, as opposed to the NCAA, is called? Defense.

7) One real rivalry: Duke-UNC is pretty much what College Hoops has to offer, it seems to come and go when it happens, and it will never happen in the tournament.

8) The crowds: watching that ridiculous, bob up and down while going, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" thing is like watching a 3 year old learn the violin.

9) The Bubble: Who care who the bubble teams are? They're all going to lose in the first round or two, anyhow. Every few years, a 7/8 seed, or a wild card wins the Series/Super Bowl/Cup/Finals, but a 14-16th seed never does anything at all.

10) Dick Vitale.

11) Bill Walton is considered by many to be the greatest college player of all time.

12) Last, but not least, "Heart": The biggest alleged strength of all college sports, particularly basketball, that people point to, is the level of "heart" and motivation in the players, in contrast with the big bad millionaire pros who just couldn't care less. I say that's BS. Are we forgetting who these pros are? They were the cream of that very college crop. Plenty of people are born with athletic ability, but a very select, decimal point of a percentage of the population, actually possesses enough heart and drive to push themselves about the rest of the bunch and become professional athletes. To become a pro, with few exceptions, one must absolutely live, sleep, eat and breathe one's sport, and all of the preparation, be it psychology, training, diet, etc., that goes with it. Would anyone rather read stories from an undergraduate writing workshop over Faulkner? Does the nerdy kid in the Live Action Role Playing Club majoring in Chemistry have more "heart" than the guy who cured polio? Give me a break.

On an unrelated note, kudos to my man Sean Thornton for pounding on Matt Cooke about 0.4 seconds after he took the ice tonight.